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Can mindfulness also help stabilize children’s emotions?

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Registered clinical psychologist, Dr. Felicia Lee

 

Recently, many people have been learning mindfulness to manage their emotions and think more clearly. However, mindfulness can also help us stabilize children’s emotions. Mindfulness, also known as “jing-nim” in Chinese, is a concept that combines Eastern philosophy and Western science. Mindfulness is about consciously and non-judgmentally focusing our attention on the present moment. We are aware of where our focus is at this moment, and we do not think about whether something is right or wrong. We just observe and describe. So how can we use mindfulness to help stabilize children’s emotions?

 

The most important thing is to stop first. This requires us to practice regularly, and through mindfulness practice, we will know what methods can be used to effectively stop ourselves or our children. Because sometimes children will stop when they hear their mother shout, but what can be done to stop them when their mothers are not around or when no one is around to advise them? This is an important thing we can practice with mindfulness.

 

The second step is observation. What kind of mindset should we use to observe? We should observe with a non-judgmental mindset. When a child has emotions, we usually see their emotional outburst, and sometimes we have thoughts or critical words in our minds. If we describe this thought with a non-judgmental mindset and also feel our own emotions, we can see the child’s real needs through their behavior.

 

The third step is to use language to describe your current feelings or what is happening at the moment because when you use words, it will calm down the center of your emotions.

 

I remember one time when two brothers were arguing, and one of them stretched out his foot, which began to provoke the other, who then slowly became angry. They would kick each other, at first lightly and then with more force. Actually, when you see this kind of situation, you will feel very angry.

 

First, do not stop them, because when you stop them, you are characterizing one person as wrong, and after you characterize them, one of them may become even angrier. The worst thing is that they may both become angry together and say, “We’re just playing; why are you taking it so seriously?” So calm yourself down first, and then ask them casually, “What’s happening now?” Sometimes they may answer you, which is already good. If they cannot answer and are still angry, you can separate them, which is also okay.

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“Does learning mindfulness help in rediscovering the strengths of children?”

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Source: Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee

 

Parents often encounter various behavioral problems with their children, which can be very troubling. For example, they ask their child to do homework, but the child doesn’t do it; they ask the child to eat, but the child sits there playing instead. When children display many uncooperative behaviors, parents become very angry and may use blaming or punishing methods to deal with them. In times of great distress, children become even more uncooperative because they feel their parents are annoying and only have negative evaluations, causing their behavior to become increasingly uncooperative and disobedient. In the practice of mindfulness, parents can learn to carefully observe what is happening at the moment without any criticism, and then try to connect with their child wholeheartedly and notice any good qualities.

 

In the mindfulness parenting group, we encourage parents to use their five senses, including sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, to experience mindfulness while eating. For example, taking a piece of raisin and putting it in your mouth, feeling its texture at that moment, and noticing any changes. Through our careful observation, we will discover that raisins are actually very sweet, and they will slowly melt in our mouths.

We can apply this mindset to our interactions with children in daily life, meaning that in addition to their uncooperative behavior, tantrums, or emotional outbursts, we should observe them carefully to see if there are any other things that other parents might not notice. In the mindful parenting group, one mother shared that besides being angry when her son didn’t listen to her, she also noticed that he was willing to help her carry heavy objects or food at times, showing that he cared for her.

 

Some mothers even mentioned that their sons may be sensitive to certain sounds, but during the New Year’s vegetable-grabbing game, they would try their best to grab the vegetables and bring them back to their mothers because they wanted them to be healthy and safe. The mothers felt that their children loved them very much, so they paid more attention to the good things their children did or the times when they cooperated. For example, if a child refused to do homework ten times but then was willing to do it or quietly read once, the mother would appreciate and tell the child, “You were very focused today, and I appreciate that.” Over time, the child will realize that he or she can do well, and the mother won’t be so annoying or only focus on the bad things the child does. Instead, the mother will focus on the good things the child does, and the child’s behavior will gradually get better.

In clinical practice, we often see that in parent-child interaction, when parents can sense the subtle aspects of daily life, such as what their children are willing to give, cherish, or when they exhibit good behavior, it can greatly help improve the interaction and relationship between the two. Additionally, when children feel positive about themselves, their confidence will also improve.

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The highlights of the students Unit 5 in school

These were the highlights of K1 students’ Learning Unit 5 “Where’s the Fish” Activity. The story was about a small lonely goldfish that ran away from the fish tank ? because it wanted to make friends. It hid in different corners of the house. Students improved their observation skills by following the hiding places ? of the small goldfish with visual observation. Through the instructional activity, students learned about the goldfish’s habitat, raised a goldfish ? together, and understood the concept of little creatures.

These were the highlights of K2 students’ Learning Unit 5 “I Will Not Ever Never Eat a Tomato” Activity. The story was about Lola (the main character), a fussy eater. She wouldn’t eat anything. She wouldn’t eat greens, potatoes, carrots, and absolutely not tomatoes. What’s an excellent way to change her bad habits? Through the story, students learned about the benefits of eating more fruits and vegetables. Children turned different vegetables into interesting drawings with their boundless imagination, too. Students also used their different senses to explore fruits and vegetables ? and used clay to create a nutritious meal box ?.

These were the highlights of K3 students’ Learning Unit 5 “Busy New Year’s Eve” Activity. The story revolved around the main character’s family welcoming New Year’s Eve and their preparations for the reunion. Through the activity, students learned the culture and customs of traditional Chinese festivals and realized that family love is priceless. In addition, K3 students also launched the picture book “Where Is Our Home Now” of “Every Child is an Artist,” which introduced them to the habitat of penguins ? and the issue of global warming ?. They also created a penguin igloo together afterward. This activity was so fun and environmentally significant.

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“Poverty leads to change, change leads to adapt” Let children learn to be flexible

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Written by：Gigamind English Primary School Principal Law

 

There is a Chinese saying: “Raising a child for 100 years old is a long-term worry for 99 years. This speaks to the heart of thousands of parents. As the weather turns colder, you are busy adding clothes for your child, but when you see other people’s children running and jumping around wearing only a single coat, you may worry that he is too warm and less able to adapt. If your child doesn’t listen to you and does what he wants to do, you will be annoyed, but if he asks you for everything, you may worry and say, “Oh! Didn’t I teach you that? Why don’t you always know how to adapt?

 

The power of adaptability from the movie

Spontonsive Flexibility is an element of creativity. If you know how to adapt, you can solve a problem in a different way.

 

Have you ever seen the movie “Apollo 13”, which is based on a true story? One scene of the movie tells the story of the runaway spacecraft, filtering toxic gas equipment is broken, scientists found that to solve the problem, we need to connect a round interface to a square interface above. Different sizes of water pipes cannot be reliably connected, but they want to connect the round interface? Sounds like you know it is impossible, but if you cannot connect the filter cannot pass the toxic gas, the three astronauts will not be able to return alive! In the end, with the cooperation of each other, they used plastic bags, cardboard, tape and other things to connect the two different interfaces, successfully solved the problem.

 

Difficulties are an opportunity to develop adaptability

As the saying goes, ” poverty leads to change, change leads to adapt “. The word “poverty” in this context does not mean “poor”, but “at the end of the road”, or “in difficulty”. When things seem to have come to a dead end, only some alternative or different methods can solve the problem.

 

Fostering adaptability requires that children face difficult problems, think about them, and try to solve them in different ways. In fact, children have to face a lot of problems every day, such as math problems, crafts, and model building, which require them to solve problems. We can make full use of these opportunities to develop their adaptability.

Inclusion of children’s ideas

We need to be mindful that developing children’s adaptability requires an attitude of tolerance and acceptance of seemingly silly solutions to problems. Since adults have more experience and are better at solving problems than children, they sometimes feel that the solutions children come up with are not good enough. However, the most important thing is that these solutions were thought up by the children themselves, and they can work. Even if they don’t work, they probably make some sense and can barely do it. No matter how “dumb” a child’s approach is, every success and every parental support gives him or her more confidence to solve problems in the future.

 

Letting your child try

Adults may be able to figure out solutions to problems faster than children, so we need to give children enough time to think and try, and not rush to tell them what they think. Parents should let go of their children and let them face difficulties on their own. “Poverty leads to change”, and the motivation for “change” will be weakened with too much help.

This is the difficulty of being a parent. If you help too much, you worry that your child will not know how to solve problems on his own; if you help too little, you worry that he will not be able to catch up with others; and with so many things to deal with every day, how can you have time to let your child take his time to finish what he has to do every day? However, there are times, such as during the holidays, when we really need to consider slowing down the pace of life and allowing our children to do more of their own work, learn to solve problems in their own way, and develop adaptability.

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The highlights of the students Unit 4 in school

These were the learning highlights of K1 students’ Unit 4 “Princess Dress.” The story was about a princess ? who received a birthday party invitation and had to choose an appropriate dress for the event. During the instructional activity, students learned the proper attire for different occasions as well as the types, colors, and textures of clothes. At the same time, they learned about the concepts of valuing our clothes and environmental protection and also made beautiful clothes ???? for themselves. In addition, since Christmas is already around the corner, students also designed Christmas cards and sent them to Finland for Santa Claus ?, and participated in the Carol Singing Festival Activity ? with their parents.

These were the learning highlights of K2 students’ Unit 4 “Sana’s Red Sweater.” The story was about Sana (the main character) who received a red sweater from her grandma. Sana and her friends tried different ways to resize the sweater that couldn’t fit her. Through the story, students felt the warmth of family ?‍?‍?‍??, brainstormed ideas to resize the sweater ?✂️, which allowed them to explore the texture and characteristics of different clothes, brought their favorite clothes to school to share with classmates, and learned to do laundry ?? together.

These were the learning highlights of K3 students’ Unit 4 “I’ve Become a Fire-breathing Dragon.” The story was about Ahguli ?that got stung by Botai, a bad-temper-disease-carrying mosquito ?. After it was bitten by Botai, Ahguli would breathe fire all over the place nonstop whenever he was angry ?, which seriously affected his life. Through the activity, students learned how to deal with emotions properly, brainstormed ideas to help Ahguli put out the fire ?, and created a 3D drawing of the fire-breathing dragon. They also learned to play the rainstick and paper-cutting techniques ✂️.

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The highlights of the students Unit 3 in school

These were the learning highlights of the K1 Unit 3 “I’m Your Older Brother.” During the activity, students learned about their stage of development and that they should cherish their families. They also made a family photo frame and participated in the Wee Wee Wa Wa Halloween Activity~

These were the learning highlights of the K2 Unit 3 “Lolo Goes to the Zoo.” Through the extension of the story, students set about creating ecosystem balls together to learn the life cycle of a fish. It was very interesting~

These were the learning highlights of the K3 Unit 3 “A-Fei – The Kid Who Loves Painting.” Through the activities under this project, students discovered that different types of tools could be used for painting and appreciated famous paintings of well-known artists, etc. They also participated in the Food for Good planting activities and the Wee Wee Wa Wa Halloween Activity~

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How should parents express their love for their children?

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Source: Parenting Specialist, Ken Sir,

 

Some mothers often ask me, “How should I show my love for my children?” Will it be spoiled by expressing too much? I think that Chinese people are more introverted and are often afraid to express their love. Especially when you want to express your concern for him but end up with a different attitude.

 

I once saw a mother and her little child lost in Shatin and then reunited. How did the mother behave after the reunion? She grabbed him by the hand and hit him while saying, “I just couldn’t see you; do you know how scared I was?” I am very worried about you. What can I do if I can’t see you?

 

In fact, everyone knows that his mother loves him, but the child cannot feel it. I often share an example of how to express love in my lectures. When I was a child, my father ordered a drink, and since he didn’t have much money at the time, he asked the waiter for an extra cup after ordering a hot drink. He kept pouring the drinks around in front of me, trying to get the drinks cold as soon as possible so that the kids wouldn’t burn their mouths when they drank them and they could drink them faster, but I found that if the kids asked their parents or I asked many of the student’s parents, they would all answer, “This will get cold faster.”

When responding to children, parents should express their deepest feelings, such as “Because I love you, how would I do this thing if I didn’t love you?” Do I do it for the one next to me? In fact, there are many things we can do in life to express love, but there is one thing we must remember if we are to avoid causing spoiled, you must remember the following two points.

 

The first point is that if a child can do something, he should be allowed to do it; you should not fight to make him do it. The second point is that when a child makes a mistake, we should correct him. In the process of correction, we should be gentle and firm, and serious when we need to be serious. However, remind the child that he or she should be told the solution, not just no or wrong. If so, the child will not improve.

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Four behaviors that damage the parent-child relationship

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Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally

 

Many parents often ask, “Why is the child so disobedient?” “Why does he hate me so much?” or “He is ignoring me more and more.” In fact, there are four types of behaviors that, over time, will cause our children to despise themselves. Many of the parents that I have met in my day-to-day life often unconsciously say or do things that make their children hate themselves. This is what parents do not notice.

 

First, comparison. We frequently ask children, “Why are you like this?” “Your younger brother is not like you; he is very neat,” and “look at the students next to me; they listen to their parents. “When we often express ourselves in a “comparison” manner, children will feel disgusted when they hear their mother’s voice.

 

Secondly, when children do something wrong, parents often overlook the motives behind their behavior. When we find out that a child is doing something wrong, we should first understand what the child is trying to accomplish with the behavior. Do not rule out that they are trying to do something right. Maybe he wants to pour a glass of water for his parents or his brother, or he is not doing his homework well, but in fact, he is doing his best and is just mentally tired.

When he is not doing well, we can first praise his behavior by saying, “Thanks; I know you are nice and want to pour water for us, but don’t spill water again.” “It’s dangerous,” or “Don’t walk so fast.” After we praise the child, he will understand that he is doing the right thing, and then he will listen to his parent’s advice and improve.

 

Third, parents should pay attention to the end of the day if, in fact, they are full of negative energy and bring emotions into the home. When parents see that their children are not behaving in a satisfactory manner, they may take out their emotions on them in a series of ways. This is not fair to the child, who may have made only a few mistakes but is being blamed for a series of them.

Fourth, parents should be very careful that expressions of anger will misinform their children with inaccurate information. For example, “If you do this, you might not be my son.” When we mistakenly use such an aggressive word, it can be very harmful to the child.

 

Parents should never commit these four behaviors while children are growing up, or they will hate their parents from an early age.

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Sharing the Joy

We are glad to have received a letter from the Kowloon City Baptist Church Jubilee Hay Nien (Yan Ping) Primary School recognizing our graduates Yeung Chun Shing and Pong Ho Kwan for their positive attitude and good academic performance.

In addition, we highly commend our graduates Wai Hong Yu, Law Hing Sum, Sin Ching, Ku Chun Yin, Cheng Kwan Yuk and Choi Cheuk Shing for landing in the top 10 in the first midterm exam.

We congratulate these graduates for their outstanding learning performance in their primary school and wish them a happy student life. We hope that all students will continue to study hard, strive for improvement and keep a positive outlook.

Principal Wong and the faculty will always support all of you.

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Sharing the Joy ?

The School is glad to receive a letter from Carmel Alison Lam Primary School commending our graduate Yeung Hei Laam (Batch 2015-2016) for her proactive learning performance ?? and for receiving a place at her preferred English secondary school – Shatin Pui Ying College. ?

We congratulate and wish our graduate Student Yeung a happy secondary school life. We hope you will continue to study hard and improve and stay proactive. ???

Principal Wong and the entire faculty will always support all of you.